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What a F*****G day

Tuesday 13/10/20 You couldn't make this shit up. Its not been the smoothest of transitions into the freelance game ... yah know with being made redundant during a global pandemic and all that. But the last 8 months have been a steady increase in work and slowly I've been keeping myself busy albeit the money hasn't been great. On top of trying to make sure my bills are paid, I have also accumulated a sizable chunk of debt from the start of lockdown as my employer at the time refused to furlough me so. September was a half decent month I was only a few hundred short of what would have been a normal pay check for me and as October started to role around I decided I have to calculate my debt as although I owe to the bank as well, I also owe a large part of it to friends and family ... Friends and family who have Christmas to pay for ... Friends and family who aren't exactly doing well during these times either ... you get where I'm going with this right ? So at the start of October I worked out what was owed and how much I need to earn on top of giving myself a wage, so i can pay them all back before Christmas.

And the magic number is £1,066 EXTRA a month for me to pay back the debt. That's on top of anything I'll need to pay my bills and by food. and minus what I have already saved away to pay. So my target for October, November and December is double what I earnt in my best month ... Yep Double. So I calculated what I need to earn per week and per day and it's actually less than my standard day rate ... which seems doable on paper but I've been failing to do so thus far. So with all this in mind I started October with my daily rate target and the days started to tick by I was really starting to panic ... I had a few little bits each day, but no money was being made. And then yesterday happened. Long story short I've lost 2 monthly Clients and maybe a third, depending on how this week goes. and honestly ... the self doubt is really starting to creep in. I worked so hard on these clients, but the market just isn't thriving and companies are cutting all their marketing budgets. I feel like I need a week off just to rethink a few things ... Maybe I should retrain to work in "Cyber". But more on that another day haha. Peace OG

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